Dragons Den – Irish Stylee

So season two of the show where a load of smug looking business men/woman (because obviously men are better at business) ask repetitive questions at wide-eyed oddballs, hawking the latest in health snacks made from toenail clippings, is back. I mean the Irish one is back. You know, the one that feels a little embarrassing to watch? The one where you’re routing more for the poor sweating sucker than one of the money wielding warty dragons? The one you watch every week because you somehow hope it will be as entertaining as the British original? The one where I could pick faults at all night putting more question marks in this paragraph and only angering myself further? Well the hope is gone, the empire has striked back, we are all being frozen in carbo-bobby-coffee and being shipped back to the evil land of crap Irish television.

A bunch of twats

Now, it’s not all bad in the land of telly. TV3, once the poor mans rival to RTE, was only to be scoffed at for its miserable sets that looked like they were designed by blind monkeys trying to write a novel about how the future is going to look. You know, the way Back to the Future 2 said we would be all driving flying cars and have the ability to control the weather by 2015. The sets still look kind of shoddy, and Martin King is still on every program they produce (he is a robot covered in skin sent back in time by the Cyberdyne Systems to make sure we all have flying cars by the year 2015). They have discovered the true meaning of TV, lots of stuff about people. Freaks, weirdos, criminals, all the things that make ITV. It works for them, thousands of stoners stay up half the night watching “Can Fat Kids Hunt”, a program where a group of moaning fatties are sent to the jungle to try to survive. Its kind of like “Celebrity Get Me Out of Here” only without celebrities. Far more entertaining than celebrities actually. All this piffle was just leading to the point that The Apprentice on 3 is a good old watch, always entertaining and kudos to 3 for puling it off. Compared to Dragons Den its Ulysses.

“I’m looking for investment of €15 for 10% equity in my company. We are making €200,000 per year”

“Well it looks to me like you overvalued you business, so I’ll give you €7.50 for 47% of your business.”

“But we made €200,000 per year”

“I am the cream of Irish business. Nothing in this country runs without me. Even though you have never heard of me I am like the wind, and nothing will work without my say so”

“I accept you offer”

I like to call the Dragons assbags, but must people would just call them thieves, bullying their way into good ideas, taking half of some poor sweating bastards business that he has spent ages building up. It’s as if the five people sitting in the seats believe that the normal laws of human interaction don’t exist. Sarah Newman, the one that looks like a horse only wearing glasses sporting a worse haircut, who has only invested once, sits in the middle of the group, like a Cleopatra who can’t get sex often enough so destroys peoples lives instead. One couple who had set up a moderately successful business, were offering 10% €15,000. Newman thought this to be a bad deal, and instead of wanting a tenth, she wanted half. Not wanting to insult them, she added an extra five grand onto the deal. Insulting? She mays as well have called them mutated kangaroos wearing jumpers made out of shit. And so it goes on.

I would rather have Brian Cowen invest in my business than this pack. When the only excuse they can come up with for not investing in your business is that you over valued your company, you have to wonder what idea’s they can bring to the table. They’re smugness is their downfall, and if five minutes in front of them is enough to make you want to slam your face through your TV screen, how would it be to actually have to discuss business idea’s with them. The words “wood chipper”, “jump” and “into” spring to mind.

Until RTE get some engaging business people, with of critical questions and constructive idea’s, I will be watching the superior English version ad nauseum on Dave. At least the puns are of a higher calibre.


2 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Darcy's bastard child. on April 22, 2010 at 3:21 pm

    Jeez….leave the fatties alone will you?


  2. Posted by Sarahs Fan on April 23, 2010 at 3:31 pm

    I hate Sarah Newman, sure she is not even a business women, she build a website and then sold it for a big money.Hilarious she is always like ” Im out” ” I really like your product but Im out” she doesnt deserve to sit there.


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